I Like Pink Stuff

carpediemtomorrow:

sistercrow:

You are not getting shit for supporting a good cause.  You are getting shit because a queer person said you were wrong and you reacted by getting defensive and attacking them and then harassing them.  Now you are getting shit because you reblogged my post specifically to let me know that you think I am petty and not focused on “actual issues.”

Have you noticed that every time you respond to people’s criticism of you by being defensive and saying we are being unreasonable/petty/shitheads we have responded by being angry at you?  Because at some point you are going to have to realize that the common denominator in all this is you. 

If you don’t want us to keep talking about you, then you should shut up and look at why people are upset at you and figure out what it is that you said or did that was wrong.  If you want people to stop saying you are a shithead, you really ought to stop making snarky little passive aggressive comments at the end of all you “I’m just trying to be a good person” posts.  Because ending “I just want to help” with “you are all petty and responsible for your own oppression” is like saying you want to bury the hatchet while swinging it at our faces. 

I have an endless supply of bile for “allies” who think their opinion of marginalized groups matter more than those of the marginalized people in those groups, so by all means, if you want us to keep being mean to you, keep responding to these posts with snarky passive aggressive whinging.  We’ll keep talking shit about you as long as you keep dancing in our faces with your dick hanging out.

This entire conversation is making me mental. Why are you nitpicking something that should be simple? People helping people. The end. 

I’m the common denominator because he posted this to his blog and so obviously there’s a better chance that the people who see it are going to agree with him. 

I lashed out at him because he lashed out at me. That’s what people do in arguments. No one is perfect.

He wasn’t giving me criticism: he was telling me that I have no part in the movement because I’m straight. I take offense to that because I care about it a lot and it’s a huge part of my life. I know that I’m not the ideal soldier for the cause, but tough shit I’m going to help anyway. And to be clear, I never said that my opinion mattered more than the opinions of those actually experiencing oppression. I will freely admit that I don’t know what it’s like to be LGBT. That’s why I come to the cause with an open mind, and it’s just strange to see that everyone is so closed off to my involvement. I am in no way claiming superiority. I am an outsider, and I have repeatedly said that. 

I just think it’s a huge waste of time to lash out at people for trying to help. That’s all I was trying to say, and he turned me into this evil monster of straight privilege who feeds on all of the gold stars and brownie points and hero cookies of supporting gay rights. That’s not me. 

Maybe this entire argument isn’t even aimed at you, I don’t know anymore. He made this public so I decided to make it public too and it’s gotten completely out of hand. My remark about be catty and not focusing on the real issues was directed at him because he was, you guessed it, being catty and not focusing on the real issues. This entire thing is one big pile of propaganda that I have been made the target of, and I apologize for unfairly aiming any comments at you that were meant for him.

All I’m saying here is cut me and the good allies some slack. Genuine allies are worth being bothered with. Despite the differences we may have and the experience that we are not able to bring to the table, you can’t deny the power in numbers. 

1) Jasper lists cis female as their gender in their about page.  Way to misgender.

2) Oh.  My.  God.  Did you not see in my last post where I said that you have the power to end this?  If you want us to stop talking about you, STOP RESPONDING DEFENSIVELY TO EVERY FUCKING THING WE SAY.  I can do this all night.

3) Everything you are saying just convinces me that this is all about your hurt fee fees and the need to be validated as a good ally.  I don’t give a flying fuck what you do.  I don’t care if you are out there pulling gay kittens out of burning buildings.  GREAT FOR YOU.  Why why why are you so adamant about proving to us that you are a good ally?

News flash!  You can be the most perfect selfless ally entirely unconcerned about gaining recognition, genuinely in it to help marginalized people, doing it right by making our voices heard and never talking over us, AND STILL HAVE MARGINALIZED PEOPLE NOT TRUST YOU OR EVEN LIKE YOU.  That comes with the territory of being an ally to people who, because of your privilege, will always dislike and not trust you.  Your job is not to be liked.  Your job is not to make friends with the people you are allied with.  You job is to be a fucking decent human being.

I’m white.  The average person of colour who sees me on the street or interacts with me in any way is probably going to assume that I am a racist fucker.  THEY HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO.  I am probably a racist fucker in ways I don’t even know.  Being white means that, in the eyes of every POC that I meet, I am a potential threat.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to indignantly yell at and hound them until they admit that it’s all about helping people out, like you are doing right now.  I have eyes.  I have ears.  I can listen to what they are saying and pass it along and maybe, someday, shit won’t be to fucking terrible for them that they have to treat every white person as an enemy just to survive. 

That is what being an ally means.  Helping people who probably hate your guts.  Not having a hissy fit when one of them gets angry at your stupid privileged ass the moment you slip up and confirm everything bad they assume of you.  Learning to shut your mouth when they get angry and yell at you and realize that there are more important things than your wounded ego.

Grow.

Up.

You keep talking about real issues.  Here is a real issue:  you can afford to spent all of your time and effort harassing some random person on the internet for an apology.  You never even stop to think that maybe, just maybe, Jasper blocked you and told you to leave them alone because they have REAL ISSUES to deal with and you are a HUGE fucking DRAIN on their energy and ability to cope with those REAL ISSUES.

Did you even think that hounding them for an apology and wasting their time on your “ally” feelings is actually potentially hurting them?  I doubt it.

I’ll repeat it again.  This can all stop.  I promise I will never even think of you again if you just let this go.  You are not going to get an apology.  You are not going to get some grand absolution by the GSM community.  You keep talking about real issues.  Show you actually fucking care about them and go away.  Put your energy to better use.  Show you care about being an ally more than your fucking pride and let somebody else have the last word.  If you can’t even do that, then you are exactly the self centered shitlord we keep saying you are.  Because that is what its going to take for you to actually be an ally right now.  Walking away and letting an angry marginalized person have the last word.